


Escort

by Voulezvous_79



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Nothing Explicit Happens, Panic Attacks, but it's talked about a lot, not a happy ending but a soft one
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-22
Updated: 2020-05-22
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:49:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24324565
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Voulezvous_79/pseuds/Voulezvous_79
Summary: The mission is a low-risk escort mission.All Iruka has to do is meet up with a contact tomorrow morning, some old lord that has strong connections and deep pockets, and escort him to the border of Yugakure. The lord has his own guards with him, so Iruka’s mainly going as a gesture of goodwill from the village. All Iruka has to focus on is keeping them on the right path and making sure that all the lord’s needs are met during his journey home.All of his needs.
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi/Umino Iruka
Comments: 8
Kudos: 73





	Escort

**Author's Note:**

> From the KinkMeme: 
> 
> It's common fanon that ninjas spend as much time fucking on missions as they do killing. Let's take the opposite route: sex-as-mission is incredibly rare, and very much looked down upon. You aren't going to send an elite ninja on a sex mission, so chuunin get those kind of jobs. Since it's 'just' sex and doesn't involve fancy jutsu or fights to the death, these types of missions are basically considered unskilled labor. Mission sex is an embarrassing secret for the people who undertake them. Iruka has either had such a mission in the past, or has just been assigned one. Kakashi reacts.

Iruka steps out of the Mission Assignment office, stomach churning and heart thumping in his ears. 

_Fuck_.

His feet start taking him toward his apartment, but his mind is elsewhere, thoughts racing as he thinks about everything but the present. 

_I need to pack, but - what the hell do you even pack for a mission like this?_

_And a sub. I need to get a sub to fill in for class. Maybe Hozuki-san? We were starting on my favorite lessons this week, do I really need to do this now?_

_Wait. Focus. Packing: clothes and rations, obviously. Weapons pouch. Protec-_ **_fuck_ ** _, do I need to bring my own_ **_protection_** _? I should ask Kakashi-_

**_Kakashi_ **\- 

Iruka’s steps falter, his thoughts slamming to a stop. Shame burns low in his gut, and, yep, he may actually throw up over this. Gods, him dealing with this embarrassment alone was terrible enough, but there’s no way he could keep this from Kakashi. He shouldn’t, right? 

Iruka shakes his head, and makes himself move forward once more. No, he definitely can’t keep this to himself. As much as he’s pushed Kakashi to just- _fucking talk to me, relationships need to have healthy communication, Hatake, honestly, you’re a grown man, talking about feelings is not going to kill you-_

Right. Anyway, he can’t start keeping secrets now. And besides, he’s nothing if not brutally honest.

So he’ll sit down with Kakashi before he leaves for his mission tomorrow, and he’ll tell him that he got assigned a C-rank mission. And that’s exciting, right? He’s wanted to get out of the village and stretch his legs for a while now, so this is just what he needed. And then Kakashi will probably ask what the mission is about, which is a totally normal and valid question. And Iruka will answer him, staying completely calm and composed, that the mission is a low-risk escort mission. All Iruka has to do is meet up with a contact tomorrow morning, some old lord that has strong connections and deep pockets, and escort him to the border of Yugakure. The lord has his own guards with him, so Iruka’s mainly going as a gesture of goodwill from the village. All Iruka has to focus on is keeping them on the right path and making sure that all the lord’s needs are met during his journey home. 

_All_ of his needs.

And Kakashi will smile, and wish him good luck, and everything will be totally normal and fine. Absolutely nothing to worry about. 

_Yeah, right._

Iruka grimaces and lets out a shaky breath. It’s not like he expects Kakashi to react _badly_ , per se, but there’s not really a good reaction to learning that your lover is being sent out on a mission with the sole purpose of sleeping with a stranger. 

They’re both ninjas, so Kakashi will understand the importance of Iruka doing his duty for the good of the village. But Kakashi, being who he is, never had to deal with this particular burden. No, only unlucky chunin have to deal with the village prostituting them out in the name of currying favors and information gathering. 

It’s not like it takes any particular skill to lay back and offer yourself up, so why waste the time of those that actually have them?

_Stop it,_ Iruka thinks to himself. Being bitter isn’t going to get him anywhere. It certainly isn’t going to get him taken off this mission, so he might as well suck it up and get on with it. He’s going to talk to Kakashi, and Kakashi is going to react however he reacts, and they’ll _deal with it_. And if they can’t deal with it, then that’s Kakashi’s problem, not his. Despite what the guilt and shame churning in his stomach say otherwise, he’s not doing anything wrong. 

A dull _thump_ and a pain in his shin knocks Iruka out of his ruminating, and he finds himself at the stairs to his apartment. He looks down at his feet, and his left leg throbs lightly from where he knocked it against the stair. Heaving in a breath, Iruka lets it out in a sigh, straightens his shoulders, and heads to his apartment with a heavy sense of determination. 

_Time to suck it up and get on with it_.

\----

Iruka glances from the clock to the door from his place on the couch. While they never put a time on when to meet, what with ninja schedules being unpredictable even at the best of times, they do try to see each other in time for dinner. And barring that, meeting in time to crawl into bed together. Right now, Kakashi is creeping steadily closer to that second option. Which is fine. Iruka just wanted plenty of time to talk about this. He hated when they would try to sleep off the hurt and anger from unresolved arguments in the beginning of their relationship, something that hasn’t happened in ages. 

Not that he thinks this is going to end up in an argument.

_Fuck_ , he thinks for the hundreth time today. He wishes Kakashi would just come home already. 

Iruka gets up to pace instead. He walks to the entryway, and as he does, he glances down at the pack tucked away by the door. Scowling, he turns away sharply and paces away from the door, a fresh wave of guilt washing over him. 

Discreetly tucked away in a side pocket of that pack, Iruka has a healthy supply of both condoms and lube. Condoms and lube that he had bought for him and Kakashi to use. That he’s now using to knowingly _sleep with another person_. 

Groaning, Iruka drags a hand down his face and tries to breath. Anxiety has been thrumming under his skin since he’s picked up the damned mission scroll, and it’s only gotten worse the longer he’s been waiting. He can’t stop thinking about the conversation he’s about to have, yet he still has no idea what to say to make this the slightest bit okay. Is there a way to explain this to your lover?

_“Hey, honey! I hope you had a great day. Oh, by the way, I’ll be heading out to be an old guy’s sex relief for the next five days. Hope you don’t think any less of me!”_

Iruka chokes out a laugh that sounds much closer to a sob. Right, he’s sure that’ll go over well. He makes another lap around his living room, this time heading down the hallway to the bedroom, and drags a hand roughly through his hair. Tugging tightly at the strands, Iruka contemplates throwing himself out the window. Or becoming a missing nin. Gods, he’s going to _throw up_ -

The door creaks open, and Iruka’s breath catches in his throat. 

“Maa, Iruka. I got news of Naruto today. Apparently, he’s learned a killer new jutsu, believe it.” Kakashi’s voice is as dry as the desert, but Iruka can hear the threads of humor and pride as he talks about his student. And normally, Iruka would laugh, would go out and greet him with a kiss to his mask and ask him to see the letter. But right now, Iruka is frozen in the hallway, fingers tangled in his hair, and his breath coming short and fast. 

_I’m having a panic attack,_ Iruka realizes in a daze. 

“Iruka?” Kakashi’s voice is lower, losing the humor when Iruka doesn’t respond to him. Iruka hears him come closer, and he tries to get himself under control. 

_Come on,_ **_come on_** , Iruka yanks on his hair, trying to jar himself back to normal, but all he accomplishes is bringing tears to his eyes. Goddamnit, is he going to start _crying_ now too? He chokes on his next breath in, a sob following closely after, and shit, this is _not_ how he wanted this conversation to start.

“Iruka,” Kakashi whispers his name this time. Iruka whips his head up and quickly wipes at his face. Kakashi is standing at the entrance of the hallway, body tense, but his eyes are gentle and worried, and, without a thought, Iruka throws himself at his boyfriend. 

Kakashi catches him, arms wrapping tightly around him. He soothes a hand through his hair, down his back, up his arms, anywhere he can touch as Iruka sobs into his shoulder. Iruka is grateful and _scared_ \- fuck, he’s so scared to have this conversation. He just wants to drag Kakashi to bed and never leave. He wants to pretend that he never got this mission. He _does not want to have this conversation._

But Iruka’s sobs are slowing down, and Kakashi is leaning back, trying to catch Iruka’s eye. Iruka keeps up a valiant effort of hiding like a coward in the crook of Kakashi’s neck, but he knows he can’t avoid this forever. Taking a deep, if shakey, breath in, Iruka straightens up and wipes roughly at the tears and snot lingering on his face. 

He jumps just a little when Kakashi’s calloused hand slides gently against his cheek. Dropping his own hands, Iruka leans into Kakashi’s for a moment before finally chancing a glance up. The lines around Kakashi’s eye are tight with worry, and Iruka catches him hurriedly scanning his front for injuries.

Huffing a laugh, Iruka turns to place a light kiss on the palm cupping his cheek. “I’m not hurt, if that’s what you’re worried about. Just… had a rough day. Still having a rough day.”

The line of tension drops from Kakashi’s shoulder, and the hand cupping his check wraps around the back of Iruka’s head, pulling him back in toward his chest. “Maa, you gave me a heart attack, sweetheart,” Kakashi sighs, pressing his face into Iruka’s hair. “Do you feel up to talking about it?”

“No,” Iruka sighs. But after a moment, he pulls back from Kakashi’s warmth and steels himself. “But I... need to. I really need to talk to you about something.”

Iruka sees the tension creep back into Kakashi’s shoulders, but he nods obligingly. Iruka takes his hand and walks them over to the couch, collapsing onto it with another sigh. Kakashi sits down next to him, his relaxed posture not quite disguising his worry.

Iruka takes another moment to himself, leaning his head back and pressing the heels of his hands into his eyes. _Suck it up and get on with it_ , he repeats to himself. He heaves a breath in, lets it out in a whoosh, and then turns towards his partner. Kakashi meets his gaze readily, and Iruka soaks in his expression for just a moment longer. He can do this.

“I got a mission assignment today,” Iruka starts. He hesitates, and sends another glance toward Kakashi, but he only nods at Iruka encouragingly. “It’s a C-rank. I’m, um, escorting that visiting lord back. The one from Yugakure?”

“Are they expecting complications?” Kakashi asks, brow crinkling. Iruka can see him trying to piece together what happened, but Iruka knows that this type of mission is so beyond Kakashi’s realm of experience that he doubts it will even cross his mind. So he resigns himself to spelling this out for him. 

“Not… complications. But the lord is definitely expecting something,” Iruka tries to joke, but his voice breaks at the last bit. 

It’s silent for a moment, before Kakashi hesitantly puts out, “I’m not following. What exactly is going on?”

_You are_ **_not_ ** _a coward, Iruka. Just get it out there._

“I’m expected to sleep with him. The lord. I’m expected to put out for some old geezer whenever he can get it up, or whatever.”

_Fuck,_ he thinks again, with feeling. That probably could have used some tact. But it’s out there, and his hands are shaking, just a bit where they rest on his knees. 

“What?” Iruka assumes that was a question, but it comes out flat, and cold, and it makes Iruka want to hunch into himself. Yep, this conversation officially _sucks._

“It’s not unheard of. For chunin, at least. Dedicating body and soul to the village and all that, you know?” Iruka stares blankly at the far wall as he talks, the guilt and shame that had been a constant all day mysteriously absent as he explains this to his lover. All he can seem to dredge up is a bitter resignation. 

“And you’re just going along with this?” 

And, yeah, it seems he can summon up some anger too, in the face of an idiotic question like that.

“It’s a mission, Kakashi,” he snaps. “You think I wanted this? I’m just trying to do my fucking job here.” Iruka feels his voice rising, and his anger cresting, but then he’s blindsided by another thought. He slumps down once more, and lets out in a quiet voice, “And this is what they thought I’d be good for.” 

Spreading his legs for a stranger. Not defending the village or investigating plots, just laying on his back and taking whatever this old guy decides to give him. 

Iruka doesn’t have any delusions about the extent of his abilities, but he at least thought he was better than this. That he had more to offer than this. 

Kakashi is still sitting silent next to him, and that brings up a weak rush of anger as well. 

“Well?” Iruka bites out, weaker than his snapping from before. “Is that it? Nothing else to say?”

“What do you want me to say,” Kakashi hisses out, voice low and intense. “That I’m okay with this? That I’m angry? Because I’m furious, Iruka. That you expect me to just be okay with you having sex with someone else-”

“Don’t be okay with it,” Iruka interrupts, lunging forward to grab onto Kakashi’s hand. “Gods, Kakashi, of course I don’t expect you to be okay with it. _I’m_ not okay with it, not in the least. I- I don’t know what I expected you to feel, but I couldn’t not tell you. I couldn’t just lie to you about this.”

Kakashi drops his eyes to where Iruka’s grasped onto his hand, and he feels a creeping numbness take over as Kakashi slowly removes his hand from Iruka’s. 

“I can’t just- Iruka, _I love you_ ,” Kakashi stresses this point, running his hands roughly through his hair. And Iruka nods quickly, because, _yes,_ he needed that, needed that reassurance, and he opens his mouth to say the same, but Kakashi continues. “But this… You said you don’t want this, and I’m still supposed to let you go?” Kakashi’s face grows dark and thunderous at the thought, and his next words come out as a low growl. “To get _raped_?”

And no, no, nonono. Iruka has been determinedly _not_ thinking that word. 

The panic is cresting again, overtaking him, and Iruka doesn’t think he can just sob his way out of it this time. 

Throwing himself out a window is seeming like a better option every passing second. 

His breath is stuttering, coming short and fast, and he slowly lowers his head until it’s resting on his knees. On some level, he can hear Kakashi saying his name, can feel Kakashi moving closer, putting a hand on his back. 

But all Iruka can focus on is _that word_. It’s bouncing around his head, becoming louder with each passing second. 

Suddenly, he feels something against his face, and Iruka jerks back, startled. He sees Kakashi kneeling in front of him, his mask pulled down and his eyes desperate and angry. He grabs at Iruka’s face once more, but his grip is gentle, and he brings Iruka’s face closer until their foreheads are touching. 

Eventually, the thundering rush of anxiety leaves his head, and his breathing slows down to something more manageable. It's not perfect, and his hands are still shaking, but it's enough that he can finally hear what hear what Kakashi's been whispering to him. 

“I’m sorry,” Kakashi repeats, again and again. Iruka closes his eyes and slumps down, resting his weight against Kakashi. “I’m not angry with you, Iruka, I promise. Just - _please_ , let me help you. I-I can go talk Tsunade, or I can go in your place tomorrow, anything. I just-” and he heaves in a big breath, sliding his hands back into Iruka’s hair and gripping tightly at the strands. “I can’t let you get hurt. Not like this, Iruka.” 

Iruka feels the familiar rise of anger and indignation at that suggestion, but it’s far away, and Iruka can’t quite grasp onto the way he usually does. It’s that resignation again, an almost overwhelming numbness, that overtakes him instead, and he sighs against Kakashi’s hair. 

“Kakashi, no. Do you honestly think that would be any better? That _you_ getting forced into that situation would somehow be easier for us to deal with?” Iruka chides. He shifts back slightly, trying to catch Kakashi’s eye, but Kakashi avoids him, face tense and eyes lined with anxiety. 

Iruka feels himself smile, something sad and small, and brings his own hands up to pet across Kakashi’s face. “And I appreciate the offer, but you’re my partner, not my parent. I don’t need you to solve my problems like one, Kakashi. I didn’t bring this up because I thought there would be some easy solution to get me out of this. I just - I couldn’t keep this from you. I don’t think I could have lived with myself if I did this while hiding it from you.” 

“So what - we’re back to me just letting you go and-”

“First of all,” Iruka interrupts, gently but with a firmness that Kakashi couldn’t ignore, “you’re not _letting_ me do anything. This is a mission. A god-awful mission, but one I was assigned to, and one that I have a duty to fulfill.” 

Iruka slips off the couch as he talks, moving down onto Kakashi’s lap and wrapping his arms tightly around him. 

“And I am going to fulfill this, you know that, right?” Iruka’s voice drops down into a whisper as Kakashi’s arms respond for him, pressing himself tight against Iruka. “I’m going to go tomorrow morning, and do what is asked of me, and it’s going to be terrible, Kakashi. I’m going to hate it. But I’ll get through this because you’ll be here for me when I get back.” 

It makes his gut churn, saying something like that. But he presses on, because as much it feels like such an ugly, guilty, _shameful_ thing to do, to basically beg his partner like this, Iruka is not above degrading himself if it means Kakashi will stay. 

So he buries his face in Kakashi’s hair, and asks, “You will be here, won’t you?”

And Kakashi’s arms instantly tighten around him, squeezing him almost painfully, before pushing him back so that Kakashi can grasp at his face once more.

“Iruka, what are you saying-” and Iruka’s never seen him look this frazzled before, with his eyes wide and his voice strained. “ _Of course I will._ Is that what you thought? That I would leave you?”

Iruka quickly shakes his head, heart aching at the look in Kakashi’s eyes. “No- or maybe, Kakashi, I don’t know. I don’t want you to, but it doesn't feel fair, expecting you to stay after this-”

“I’m not leaving you, Iruka,” Kakashi is the one to interrupt this time. “I’m not. But I just-” And Kakashi hesitates, before he continues with an almost regretful tone, “I can’t promise that things will be the same when you get back.”

Iruka doesn’t mean to, but he laughs, and it’s small and sad. His heart is breaking a bit, and he hates that he’s doing this to him, to their relationship. But he’s also grateful - grateful that Kakashi is the person he is, that he gets to keep this precious thing they’ve built together. 

“Of course not,” Iruka says, leaning down to press his lips against Kakashi’s forehead. “The only thing I can promise is that things are not going to be the same. But if I can get through the next five days, we can get through whatever comes after too.”

He feels Kakashi nod against him, and Iruka is starting to see a sliver of light at the end of this long, nightmarish tunnel. 

And it doesn’t erase the fear and anxiety of what he’s about to face, but it makes it into something a bit more manageable. Something he can crawl and drag himself out of, if it meant he got to come back home to this. 

Iruka knows they have more to talk about. That there are more reassurances that should be given, lines drawn, and promises made, but Iruka is so indescribably tired. He feels physically and emotionally wrung out. 

And he has a mission tomorrow. 

So even though both their feelings are still a bit sore and tender to the touch, Iruka wants nothing more than to crawl into bed and wrap himself around this man for as long as possible. 

Kakashi seems to be of the same mindset because he wraps his arms under Iruka’s legs, carrying him up with him as he stands. 

“Bed?” Kakashi murmurs against his neck, and Iruka nods, letting Kakashi support him through this.

**Author's Note:**

> I was waffling over the ending for days. I'm a weak bitch though and couldn't stand leaving these two in the more angsty-ambiguous place that I originally wanted to take it. So take this soft-and-hopeful, if not completely satisfying, one instead!


End file.
